• The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
  • When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
  • I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
  • If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way.
  • My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.
  • There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
  • Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

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